There used to be a time when I thought that falling in love was as simple as just “falling……” LOL!!!!! However I have come to realize that love actually becomes a choice because we have the free will to choose to give in to the feeling buried beneath every opportunity to connect to the heart of another. So if for the sake of conversation you follow me into this whole idea of “choosing” to love, what happens to the fairy tale……………Is there such a phenomenon as love at first sight? Is there one person out there for each of us, our soul mate? And is it possible that we missed it when we walked away from a certain relationship or were rejected by that one we felt was “ The ONE?” Do some of us just settle for second best? Should we fight for the fairy tale? Are there ever any true fairy tale endings? And what actually constitutes a fairy tale ending……..lol!
Lots of questions…….lots of answers…….but I think the fairy tales can be created. I also think that many of
us have it backwards, we think that love just happens and can never be created…… I think that fairy tales can happen after a strong and deliberate choice is made and I would also argue that there will be times when the choice is not very easy because there will be times when we should choose to love and other times that in spite of our strong feelings we should choose not to love!
Choosing to love comes quite easily and naturally for most of us. We engage a person of interest and we pursue them. We share with them our lives and we receive from them parts of their lives. We begin and continue in the process of intimacy and we open ourselves up to be loved and to love. We somehow begin to think we “fall” into love, but do we really? Is it possible to back up once we begin falling……. I think so. I think that if we find out that we have been betrayed by their actions or even by our very own hearts that we should have the strength and will to back up. And this back up is what creates the CHOICE to love. Have you ever found love, and then have had to walk away? Have you ever experienced the pain of choosing to move on in spite of your passionate feelings? Smile……….. Welcome to Life!
Sometimes your decision to back up has absolutely nothing to do with what they did or did not do but it has everything to do with WHO you are and who you are choosing to become! Your seemingly at first soul mate may not be the person who lines up with your future goals and values. What if they are married, or what if they have seriously opposing religious values, or what if they differ in their values in raising children, or they cause you to stumble and do things that you know offend your God? Do you then just embrace your feelings and not remain true to yourself? Do you continue “falling” in love at the expense of truth? Do you ignore the red flags and warning signs all for the sake of the “fairy tale” feelings? Does it make more sense to back up, choose to move on and choose to love another? I believe that the choice to love is a very healthy concept indeed because we have to protect and guard our hearts. We have to be human and not mere robots swayed to and fro by our fickle emotions, habits, and thoughts. As we all know, our hearts are liable to go anywhere we let them go. Feelings can come out of left field and thoughts can dramatically change our feelings. If love was meant to just be something we fall into, then we would not be so easily influenced and broken when the ones we love let us down………. We have to choose to forgive and choose to stay and repair the breach or the fault. We have to choose to allow passion back in the door and choose to engage in the process of reconciliation.
Don’t choose to stay if you don’t want to, but don’t move on thinking that somewhere, somehow you missed the “Fairy tale” relationship. Your fairy tale may be around the corner and it may not look like you thought it would look. It may have to be created. It may take some effort on your part to grow and change with your lover. It may look like the best friend you ever had who doesn’t have that mysterious charm you always wanted. It may look like the person you think you don’t deserve so you never make the choice to pursue your true desires and ask them out. It may look like the person who makes less money than you or the person who may not remember your favorite color the first few years in…………. BUT as you grow and as you respond to the love being offered to you, you will realize that you are in the midst of a fairy tale and your fairy tale has not ended, it transcends and endures and evolves into complete ecstasy one day at a time! And you control
how you respond and engage in this process of love, so do you choose to love or not love today……….that is